While browsing through some dust-covered
archival material in the recesses of the Roman Section of the British Museum,
a researcher recently came across a tattered parchment.
After some effort he translated it and found that
it was a letter from a man called Plutonius with the title of "magister
fastorium," or keeper of the calendar, to one Cassius. It was dated, strangely
enough, 1 B.C., January 7 -- or 2000 years ago (remember, there was no
year zero). The text of the message follows:
Dear Cassius,
Are you still working on the Y zero K problem? This
change from BC to AD is giving us a lot of headaches and we haven't much
time left. I don't know how people will cope with working the wrong way
around. Having been working happily downwards forever, now we have to start
thinking upwards. You would think that someone would have thought of it
earlier and not left it to us to sort it all out at this last minute.
I spoke to Caesar the other evening. He was livid
that Julius hadn't done something about it when he was sorting out the
calendar. He said he could see why Brutus turned nasty. We called in the
consulting astrologers, but they simply said that continuing downwards
using minus BC won't work. As usual, the
consultants charged a fortune for doing nothing
useful.
As for myself, I just can't see the sand in an hourglass
flowing upwards. We have heard that there are three wise men in the East
who have been working on the problem, but unfortunately they won't arrive
until it's all over. Some say the world will cease to exist at the moment
of transition.
Anyway we are still continuing to work on this blasted
Y zero K problem and I will send you a parchment if anything further develops.